September 26, 2002
Time to blog.
I'm not happy with my life. Something is seriously missing. . What could it be? I'm not sure. I have been ... lonely lately. I can't quite explain why. In my mind I've been telling myself I need a girlfriend (well, at least a date now and again.) Some where in the back of my mind I'm not entirely convinced that that will solve my problems. Up until this week I have been not myself. I've had no motivation, no ambition, and no desire to do anything beyond sleep, eat and go to class. My grades are reflecting this behavior. This week in my psychology class we went over Maslow's hierarchy of needs. At the bottom are the fundamental needs, (physical and safety) need for shelter, clothing, food, etc., above that is Psychological needs, in this section are the esteem needs. Now here's where things get relevant. In this group are also the belongingness and love needs. Sure we all know that a person needs to feel as though they belong or that they're loved.. however.. the part I find most intriguing is that above the psychological needs is "self actualization" You know that drive to be the best you can? that drive that makes you create, design, build, repair, teach, and learn to your greatest abilities. Now, according to Abraham Maslow you cannot achieve this stage without meeting all your other needs. This makes since to me. I've been feeling a void and for reasons I can explain I've been unable to function as a result. Now, the task at hand is to meet my psychological needs. I'm at a loss... I want to just fix my life, but it's not that easy. If I'm hungry I can eat, and I'm smart enough to come in out of the rain. How do I go about fulfilling psychological needs? I'm not sure. Never before has my domain name been more appropriate. Just what's wrong with that boy?
I'm not happy with my life. Something is seriously missing. . What could it be? I'm not sure. I have been ... lonely lately. I can't quite explain why. In my mind I've been telling myself I need a girlfriend (well, at least a date now and again.) Some where in the back of my mind I'm not entirely convinced that that will solve my problems. Up until this week I have been not myself. I've had no motivation, no ambition, and no desire to do anything beyond sleep, eat and go to class. My grades are reflecting this behavior. This week in my psychology class we went over Maslow's hierarchy of needs. At the bottom are the fundamental needs, (physical and safety) need for shelter, clothing, food, etc., above that is Psychological needs, in this section are the esteem needs. Now here's where things get relevant. In this group are also the belongingness and love needs. Sure we all know that a person needs to feel as though they belong or that they're loved.. however.. the part I find most intriguing is that above the psychological needs is "self actualization" You know that drive to be the best you can? that drive that makes you create, design, build, repair, teach, and learn to your greatest abilities. Now, according to Abraham Maslow you cannot achieve this stage without meeting all your other needs. This makes since to me. I've been feeling a void and for reasons I can explain I've been unable to function as a result. Now, the task at hand is to meet my psychological needs. I'm at a loss... I want to just fix my life, but it's not that easy. If I'm hungry I can eat, and I'm smart enough to come in out of the rain. How do I go about fulfilling psychological needs? I'm not sure. Never before has my domain name been more appropriate. Just what's wrong with that boy?
September 12, 2002
It's Thursday. Yesterday was september 11. I have nothing special to say about that. I remember 09/11/01 clearly. I was running late for work. I showed up about 5 min late. It was the only thing on my mind. I knew I had a lot of stuff to get done at work that day and I diddn't want to be in trouble for running late. Just as I was off to get something done I noticed a lot of people glued to the TV in one of the rooms. A coworker was standing in the doorway, also watching the TV. I asked what was going on, she said "Havn't you heard??" I replied "no". And she proceded to tell me "A plane crashed into one of the trade center buildings in New York" The mental image I had at the time was an ultralight, an accident. I went about my business, I started installing software one the computers in a classroom/lab. Another coworker came in and turned on the TV there. I casually listened as I went about working. I heard "terrorists" and other words that have become synonamous with that fatefull day. I started watching the TV myself as the events began to unfold. I realized that no one is going to notice I was late today, and no one will reprimand me if I don't get much dont beyond installing the stuff in the room I'm currently in. (I only worked from 9:00 to 12:00 that day) So what did I do? I logged onto AIM and I started running though news websites and blogs.
Yesterday I looked at my old blog posts surrounding this week last year. On the 10th I mentioned that I had a realy crappy day. If I recall correctly I felt similarly to the way i do now. I feel like complete s@#% lately. I'm in this weird funk and I can't get out of it. I have no drive, no ambition. I have a @$^ed up sleep schedule. I missed my first class today. I was 15 min late for work on Tuesday. (My alarm did not wake me. It was going off for an hour while I continued to sleep) I stand to lose my job if I continue to be late. I have been warned. I can't think of any thing else to blog about... bottom line: 09/11 is just a day. Lots of bad stuff happened on a lot of different days. Did your world realy change after this week of last year? Or did the media just tell you it did?
Yesterday I looked at my old blog posts surrounding this week last year. On the 10th I mentioned that I had a realy crappy day. If I recall correctly I felt similarly to the way i do now. I feel like complete s@#% lately. I'm in this weird funk and I can't get out of it. I have no drive, no ambition. I have a @$^ed up sleep schedule. I missed my first class today. I was 15 min late for work on Tuesday. (My alarm did not wake me. It was going off for an hour while I continued to sleep) I stand to lose my job if I continue to be late. I have been warned. I can't think of any thing else to blog about... bottom line: 09/11 is just a day. Lots of bad stuff happened on a lot of different days. Did your world realy change after this week of last year? Or did the media just tell you it did?
September 03, 2002
Ok time for another FJ update.
Well, maybe a better name would be "State of the Farmer address" though I'm not really a farmer.. now, don't get all riled up for those of you who are new to this info, I have worked on a farm (hogs smell bad, trust me, and lets just say that RoundUp™-Ready soy beans came a few years too late for me) Anyway, I feel it's high time I update this thing. here goes...
Well today is Tuesday, 2nd week of a new school year here at the U of Nebraska. My major is now "Communication Studies" It'll get me out of here I suppose. I'm living in the dorm again, and I'm still single. la-de-freaking-da. Speaking of being single, my social life has not seen much progress as of late. I'm trying to conjure up ways to meet women but aside from going to bars and stuff I can't think of any. I'm sure things will gradually change... as I actually get out of my cell err dorm room, and meet new people. I'm continuing to communicate with my friends online and I'm slowly meeting new ones. I've met one new person in particular who has become a very good friend. She knows who she is, I don't feel that I need to go into details here. In my quest to understand women and male-female relationships I have pondered the concept of the online romance. This is not only a long distance relationship but a relationship based without face to face contact. I have a little rule that I won't date any one exclusively without meeting them face to face. Perhaps I'm allowing myself to miss out on a good relationship... who knows, my reasoning is that I won't get too attached to some one I've never actually spent time with. I can get attached far to easily it seems. I get carried away when it comes to relationships. This is a contrast in my personality because I tend to be unattached and don't get excited about things easily. I guess in a way it's a weakness. Free food, new e-mail, sleeping in, and TV all make me happy, but I don't get terribly excited over them, but when a pretty girl is involved, well that's different.
I think I know why I want to find a young woman to build a relationship with. I blame natural selection. Those who don't really care don't procreate. I'm here because my father and my grandfathers, and so on were interested in pretty girls.
My great-grandfather (my mom's, dad's father) Came over to the US in his early 20s (around age 25 probably not much older) He had served in the German military just prior so that lets me know he was probably older than 22, which is my current age. When he arrived he set foot in northeast Nebraska, where my family remains today. He met my great grandmother here, who as far as I know moved here from Germany around the age of 10 or 11. His name was John, and he was a carpenter by trade. He assisted in construction several early structures in the area he lived, these buildings however have been demolished for some time. I don't know the exact date that he arrived here but it was after 1900, and probably between 1910 and 1915. If I find his birth date some where and/or any record (in writing) of his immigrating to the US I'll know better. My grandfather was born in 1918, therefore I know that he was here well before that. Once he was here in the US, he was forced to be a farmer. There simply was not much else you could do about that. There was not an established economy or population to allow any specialization. As you can imagine his skills as a carpenter were quite useful in that early Nebraska life, but every one who lived here had the trade as farmer. My grandfather, as I mentioned, was born in 1918. He grew up speaking German, and learned english in school, as the world "shrunk" standardization required an improvement of his english skills. My grandfather only had an 8th grade education. That's all that was really needed in that time. By the time you were that old you were needed on the farm. If you were capable of doing work you did work. The end of school of course did not mean the end of education by any means. I recall some time ago I took a soil science course. My grandpa already knew a great deal of what I was learning. He had different terminology for a lot of it, didn't know all of the chemistry behind it, and had never learned some of the biological details involved but as far as practical knowledge goes he knew his stuff. This included knowledge of soil types, and how to deal with them. In his mind is a world of knowledge. I will never be able to tap into it as much as I like. He'll be gone soon. If he can teach me something, pass on something that he knows, that he understands, then that will live in me and he, in some way shall live on. I think this is the meaning of life. The goal is to live forever. It's not enough to just breed, raise a child and die. By talking with my grandpa I not only enrich my life, but I give reason for his life to continue at least that much longer. He's in a lot of pain. As I mentioned in a previous post he's slowly dying of congestive heart failure. He has trouble getting around, he lives at home but he's not doing well. He's under a lot of emotional strain. My grandmother, his wife, is dying of Alzheimer's disease. She's in the nursing home and she's just a shell of the woman she once was. Words cannot describe what my grandpa has been going through. While I was home for a week, before school started again, I paid a visit to my grandpa. The bulk of this post is inspired by that visit. I feel blessed that he's still around when I'm old enough to understand certain things about life. My youngest brother won't have this benifit. Although I hate to see him in this pain (several kinds of pain mind you) I feel thankful that he's still here to help me figure things out. There are so many things that will be lost, or have been lost that I can learn from. This is one reason I cherish my blog. In the back of my mind I hope that my grandchildren will come across this and take something from it. Are they really going to care that I'm 22 and can't find a date? Probably not, but I don't know what will be significant several decades from now. I don't know if I'll live as long as my grandpa who'll be 85 in January though he's not likely live that much longer. I don't know why I'm here but as I see it I might as well do what my ancestors did. So, looks like my first step is meeting a pretty girl. I think this concludes the FJ update.
Well, maybe a better name would be "State of the Farmer address" though I'm not really a farmer.. now, don't get all riled up for those of you who are new to this info, I have worked on a farm (hogs smell bad, trust me, and lets just say that RoundUp™-Ready soy beans came a few years too late for me) Anyway, I feel it's high time I update this thing. here goes...
Well today is Tuesday, 2nd week of a new school year here at the U of Nebraska. My major is now "Communication Studies" It'll get me out of here I suppose. I'm living in the dorm again, and I'm still single. la-de-freaking-da. Speaking of being single, my social life has not seen much progress as of late. I'm trying to conjure up ways to meet women but aside from going to bars and stuff I can't think of any. I'm sure things will gradually change... as I actually get out of my cell err dorm room, and meet new people. I'm continuing to communicate with my friends online and I'm slowly meeting new ones. I've met one new person in particular who has become a very good friend. She knows who she is, I don't feel that I need to go into details here. In my quest to understand women and male-female relationships I have pondered the concept of the online romance. This is not only a long distance relationship but a relationship based without face to face contact. I have a little rule that I won't date any one exclusively without meeting them face to face. Perhaps I'm allowing myself to miss out on a good relationship... who knows, my reasoning is that I won't get too attached to some one I've never actually spent time with. I can get attached far to easily it seems. I get carried away when it comes to relationships. This is a contrast in my personality because I tend to be unattached and don't get excited about things easily. I guess in a way it's a weakness. Free food, new e-mail, sleeping in, and TV all make me happy, but I don't get terribly excited over them, but when a pretty girl is involved, well that's different.
I think I know why I want to find a young woman to build a relationship with. I blame natural selection. Those who don't really care don't procreate. I'm here because my father and my grandfathers, and so on were interested in pretty girls.
My great-grandfather (my mom's, dad's father) Came over to the US in his early 20s (around age 25 probably not much older) He had served in the German military just prior so that lets me know he was probably older than 22, which is my current age. When he arrived he set foot in northeast Nebraska, where my family remains today. He met my great grandmother here, who as far as I know moved here from Germany around the age of 10 or 11. His name was John, and he was a carpenter by trade. He assisted in construction several early structures in the area he lived, these buildings however have been demolished for some time. I don't know the exact date that he arrived here but it was after 1900, and probably between 1910 and 1915. If I find his birth date some where and/or any record (in writing) of his immigrating to the US I'll know better. My grandfather was born in 1918, therefore I know that he was here well before that. Once he was here in the US, he was forced to be a farmer. There simply was not much else you could do about that. There was not an established economy or population to allow any specialization. As you can imagine his skills as a carpenter were quite useful in that early Nebraska life, but every one who lived here had the trade as farmer. My grandfather, as I mentioned, was born in 1918. He grew up speaking German, and learned english in school, as the world "shrunk" standardization required an improvement of his english skills. My grandfather only had an 8th grade education. That's all that was really needed in that time. By the time you were that old you were needed on the farm. If you were capable of doing work you did work. The end of school of course did not mean the end of education by any means. I recall some time ago I took a soil science course. My grandpa already knew a great deal of what I was learning. He had different terminology for a lot of it, didn't know all of the chemistry behind it, and had never learned some of the biological details involved but as far as practical knowledge goes he knew his stuff. This included knowledge of soil types, and how to deal with them. In his mind is a world of knowledge. I will never be able to tap into it as much as I like. He'll be gone soon. If he can teach me something, pass on something that he knows, that he understands, then that will live in me and he, in some way shall live on. I think this is the meaning of life. The goal is to live forever. It's not enough to just breed, raise a child and die. By talking with my grandpa I not only enrich my life, but I give reason for his life to continue at least that much longer. He's in a lot of pain. As I mentioned in a previous post he's slowly dying of congestive heart failure. He has trouble getting around, he lives at home but he's not doing well. He's under a lot of emotional strain. My grandmother, his wife, is dying of Alzheimer's disease. She's in the nursing home and she's just a shell of the woman she once was. Words cannot describe what my grandpa has been going through. While I was home for a week, before school started again, I paid a visit to my grandpa. The bulk of this post is inspired by that visit. I feel blessed that he's still around when I'm old enough to understand certain things about life. My youngest brother won't have this benifit. Although I hate to see him in this pain (several kinds of pain mind you) I feel thankful that he's still here to help me figure things out. There are so many things that will be lost, or have been lost that I can learn from. This is one reason I cherish my blog. In the back of my mind I hope that my grandchildren will come across this and take something from it. Are they really going to care that I'm 22 and can't find a date? Probably not, but I don't know what will be significant several decades from now. I don't know if I'll live as long as my grandpa who'll be 85 in January though he's not likely live that much longer. I don't know why I'm here but as I see it I might as well do what my ancestors did. So, looks like my first step is meeting a pretty girl. I think this concludes the FJ update.
