August 24, 2003
The Spare???
It's the weekend. I didn't think that I would end up doing anything. My old friend from high school and his fiance stopped by and said they were going down to the bar. (remember that's all there is to do here) So, I put on some clothes that didn't have holes in them and met them down there. So it was my friend, and his fiance, and one of the other guys that's going to be a groomsmen and his girl friend. and me, the fifth wheel. We played pool, I had a couple beers. Well, I didn't play much pool.. and I didn't talk much. Plus my friend asked me a stupid question that put me on the spot and made me somewhat uncomfortable. I have never felt so distant from him. He's going country and I'm going deaf.
I think I may go fishing Monday morning. I would go next weekend but because of the holiday It may be crowded. I need to get out. Lately, I've asked my self if I'm happy. My answer has been "no." I guess I'd do something that would make me happy but I don't know what that something could possibly be.
Perhaps happiness is over rated. It's one of those things you have to constantly work for. and if you're not getting there people say there's something wrong with you. If you try to use some artificial means to help you along, you're looked down on, possibly arrested. plus there can be some other side effects. Happiness is short lived, it won't pay off your debt, it won't solve any of your problems.. unless you call "not being happy" a problem. My greatest skills are those in which I solve problems. My logistical, creative and language skills give me huge potential for resolving issues. I ask myself why am I unable to make any progress in regard to emotion, social interaction, and other societal issues.
I think I may go fishing Monday morning. I would go next weekend but because of the holiday It may be crowded. I need to get out. Lately, I've asked my self if I'm happy. My answer has been "no." I guess I'd do something that would make me happy but I don't know what that something could possibly be.
Perhaps happiness is over rated. It's one of those things you have to constantly work for. and if you're not getting there people say there's something wrong with you. If you try to use some artificial means to help you along, you're looked down on, possibly arrested. plus there can be some other side effects. Happiness is short lived, it won't pay off your debt, it won't solve any of your problems.. unless you call "not being happy" a problem. My greatest skills are those in which I solve problems. My logistical, creative and language skills give me huge potential for resolving issues. I ask myself why am I unable to make any progress in regard to emotion, social interaction, and other societal issues.
August 19, 2003
My family is..... interesting.....
When I arrived in Beemer Friday afternoon, my mom said something like "..going to take the semester off from school?" At the time I wondered how she knew, but It was somewhat obvious given what I'm up against.
Today at lunch my dad said something about he thinks he may have contracted West Nile virus. It has run its course, his main point was the lack of knowledge of the PA at the clinic here in Beemer. I mentioned that if it was West Nile at least now he's immune to that particular strain. Well of course "father knows different". According to my parents the human immune system stops being immune to a virus after about 5 years. My comeback was "Well if that's the case then why don't we have Polio outbreaks anymore, huh?" Their answer to that was "It's a vaccine" Ugh. I didn't bother to explain what vaccines are made of. Later in the early evening I had just finished helping my youngest brother with his science homework. My dad came home from work just as we were finishing up. My brother was putting away his books and I quizzed him a bit to make sure he was taking it in. We covered what Mass, volume, weight, and density are. Density was the tougher concept for him and I spent a few minutes making sure he knows that things float (or sink) because of density, not how heavy they are. I was saying to him "Ok, if we mix oil and water the water....?" "Sinks." he replied.. and I continued.. "Because...?" That's when my dad pitched in and said something about "blah blah it's lighter" I turned to my dad and told him "no don't tell him that I just spent 5 minutes explaining the difference between weight and density..." Oh well...
I know my parents are a little nuts or something but I don't want it to sound like I have no respect for them. I wonder about my other brother though.. the middle child. Today he indirectly called my mom stupid over the phone. We're ready for him to move out. As I understand it he wants to get an apt in Kearney and live with his girlfriend. During the weekend my mom mentioned she doesn't really approve of that, but I think my mom would tolerate it if it gets his butt moved out of the house.
As far as the extended family goes... hmmm where shall I begin how about from least insane then onward:
One of my uncles, (dad's brother), just got a promotion. He'll be moving to Arkansas very soon to start his new job. He made good money before but he's seriously making bucks now. He started on the floor of a meat packing plant. Painfully over qualified, he worked his way up to where he is now. It's no longer possible to get promoted like that. The fridge/freezer in our basement has been temperamental lately and just by luck (or something) my uncle is abandoning a freezer, he's letting us have it. We still need to take a trip up to Dakota Dunes, SD to get it, probably Thursday.
A while back I mentioned my mom's siblings. They're at it again. For simplicity I'll refer to the trouble makers as "uncle G" and "Aunt B", as I did in the previous post. (note G and B are siblings... and just guess what the letters stand for :p)
Over the weekend we learned that G's daughter and her illegitimate child are going to move into my grandparents' house. She's doing this for reasons we can only speculate, none of them being good or practical. Apparently they cleared this with my grandpa.. though, he's not in the condition to really make those kinds of decisions. The thing is that it's not likely that he will remember saying that a few days later or even the next day. Personally I have my doubts that they brought it up with him at all. This whole ordeal of my cousin and her bastard child moving in makes some sense.. We wonder if it's part of a bigger scheme. The locks will be changed, and things are being removed and "cleaned out" so that she can live there. The rest of us know that a load of crap. We also know that rent isn't going to be paid. Living in this house doesn't bring her closer to work, in fact it puts her a few miles further. It's kinda fishy. In addition the locks being changed (well we're assuming they'll do that) They also removed my grandparents' china hutch. That thing was chocked full of stuff. Not so much fine china or glass ware, but photographs, cards, letters, souvenirs, and other things mostly of priceless value. It would have been nice to have gone through that and salvaged some of the photographs and make sure they weren't damaged or anything. However, considering the way B and G have been haphazardly throwing things out, it's anybody's guess about what was destroyed and what wasn't. If that wasn't enough, G and his wife already own a nice china hutch. My mom's other sister from OKC does not and would love to have the one that belongs to my grandparents. I doubt that will happen. I'm not sure what to make of all this... it's insane.
Today I typed up some stuff for my mom. She runs her own business an charges by the hour. She's raising her rates and wanted me to type up a new price chart. I fired up the MS works spreadsheet and had at it.. making the chart out was easy, but my mom wanted me to have every dollar amount round up to the next highest 25 cents. (unless the price ended in 0,.25, .50, or .75) I figured out how to do it and I was pretty proud of myself... I almost did a happy dance. Now you know what I did today.
When I arrived in Beemer Friday afternoon, my mom said something like "..going to take the semester off from school?" At the time I wondered how she knew, but It was somewhat obvious given what I'm up against.
Today at lunch my dad said something about he thinks he may have contracted West Nile virus. It has run its course, his main point was the lack of knowledge of the PA at the clinic here in Beemer. I mentioned that if it was West Nile at least now he's immune to that particular strain. Well of course "father knows different". According to my parents the human immune system stops being immune to a virus after about 5 years. My comeback was "Well if that's the case then why don't we have Polio outbreaks anymore, huh?" Their answer to that was "It's a vaccine" Ugh. I didn't bother to explain what vaccines are made of. Later in the early evening I had just finished helping my youngest brother with his science homework. My dad came home from work just as we were finishing up. My brother was putting away his books and I quizzed him a bit to make sure he was taking it in. We covered what Mass, volume, weight, and density are. Density was the tougher concept for him and I spent a few minutes making sure he knows that things float (or sink) because of density, not how heavy they are. I was saying to him "Ok, if we mix oil and water the water....?" "Sinks." he replied.. and I continued.. "Because...?" That's when my dad pitched in and said something about "blah blah it's lighter" I turned to my dad and told him "no don't tell him that I just spent 5 minutes explaining the difference between weight and density..." Oh well...
I know my parents are a little nuts or something but I don't want it to sound like I have no respect for them. I wonder about my other brother though.. the middle child. Today he indirectly called my mom stupid over the phone. We're ready for him to move out. As I understand it he wants to get an apt in Kearney and live with his girlfriend. During the weekend my mom mentioned she doesn't really approve of that, but I think my mom would tolerate it if it gets his butt moved out of the house.
As far as the extended family goes... hmmm where shall I begin how about from least insane then onward:
One of my uncles, (dad's brother), just got a promotion. He'll be moving to Arkansas very soon to start his new job. He made good money before but he's seriously making bucks now. He started on the floor of a meat packing plant. Painfully over qualified, he worked his way up to where he is now. It's no longer possible to get promoted like that. The fridge/freezer in our basement has been temperamental lately and just by luck (or something) my uncle is abandoning a freezer, he's letting us have it. We still need to take a trip up to Dakota Dunes, SD to get it, probably Thursday.
A while back I mentioned my mom's siblings. They're at it again. For simplicity I'll refer to the trouble makers as "uncle G" and "Aunt B", as I did in the previous post. (note G and B are siblings... and just guess what the letters stand for :p)
Over the weekend we learned that G's daughter and her illegitimate child are going to move into my grandparents' house. She's doing this for reasons we can only speculate, none of them being good or practical. Apparently they cleared this with my grandpa.. though, he's not in the condition to really make those kinds of decisions. The thing is that it's not likely that he will remember saying that a few days later or even the next day. Personally I have my doubts that they brought it up with him at all. This whole ordeal of my cousin and her bastard child moving in makes some sense.. We wonder if it's part of a bigger scheme. The locks will be changed, and things are being removed and "cleaned out" so that she can live there. The rest of us know that a load of crap. We also know that rent isn't going to be paid. Living in this house doesn't bring her closer to work, in fact it puts her a few miles further. It's kinda fishy. In addition the locks being changed (well we're assuming they'll do that) They also removed my grandparents' china hutch. That thing was chocked full of stuff. Not so much fine china or glass ware, but photographs, cards, letters, souvenirs, and other things mostly of priceless value. It would have been nice to have gone through that and salvaged some of the photographs and make sure they weren't damaged or anything. However, considering the way B and G have been haphazardly throwing things out, it's anybody's guess about what was destroyed and what wasn't. If that wasn't enough, G and his wife already own a nice china hutch. My mom's other sister from OKC does not and would love to have the one that belongs to my grandparents. I doubt that will happen. I'm not sure what to make of all this... it's insane.
Today I typed up some stuff for my mom. She runs her own business an charges by the hour. She's raising her rates and wanted me to type up a new price chart. I fired up the MS works spreadsheet and had at it.. making the chart out was easy, but my mom wanted me to have every dollar amount round up to the next highest 25 cents. (unless the price ended in 0,.25, .50, or .75) I figured out how to do it and I was pretty proud of myself... I almost did a happy dance. Now you know what I did today.
August 18, 2003
I'm still alive...
I checked out of the dorm on Friday afternoon. Rolled into beemer around 3:00. I'll be living here for a while.. and I'm on dialup.
I have a lot to blog about but I just haven't had the opportunity to put them down. Here are my vital statistics:
I'm alive.
I'm living in Beemer for a while. (on dialup blah)
I won't be taking classes this fall. However, I haven't found a job yet. I did apply for another thingy yesterday though.
My mental state has been ... functional. I'm not happy... at best I'd say I'm content.. though this is much better than I was not long ago.
I've been fixing computers for the neighbors. The Blaster worm has hit 3 people that I know of. One guy took care of it himself, one I need to look at this afternoon, and the one I looked at yesterday seemed to heal itself, crazy. Thankfully it's pretty benign.... well thankfully for them... I haven't' gotten paid for any repairs yet. Update:Maybe it was this. (Turns out I will get something for my time, yay!)
My youngest brother goes back to school today. He's in the 6th grade.
My dad's b-day was last Thursday. I didn't get him anything but we went to the HayBarn and ate burgers to sortof celebrate.
I've got a nice little Lan going Doom is fun. :) ok antivirus update complete I need to log off...
I checked out of the dorm on Friday afternoon. Rolled into beemer around 3:00. I'll be living here for a while.. and I'm on dialup.
I have a lot to blog about but I just haven't had the opportunity to put them down. Here are my vital statistics:
I'm alive.
I'm living in Beemer for a while. (on dialup blah)
I won't be taking classes this fall. However, I haven't found a job yet. I did apply for another thingy yesterday though.
My mental state has been ... functional. I'm not happy... at best I'd say I'm content.. though this is much better than I was not long ago.
I've been fixing computers for the neighbors. The Blaster worm has hit 3 people that I know of. One guy took care of it himself, one I need to look at this afternoon, and the one I looked at yesterday seemed to heal itself, crazy. Thankfully it's pretty benign.... well thankfully for them... I haven't' gotten paid for any repairs yet. Update:Maybe it was this. (Turns out I will get something for my time, yay!)
My youngest brother goes back to school today. He's in the 6th grade.
My dad's b-day was last Thursday. I didn't get him anything but we went to the HayBarn and ate burgers to sortof celebrate.
I've got a nice little Lan going Doom is fun. :) ok antivirus update complete I need to log off...
August 13, 2003
The MSBlaster virus is making it's rounds and making the news. Last night I had an interesting thought.
Is it possible that the person that wrote MSBlaster did so for the greater good? The MSBlaster virus doesn't seem to do much more beyond making the computers reboot over and over again. It's getting lots and lots of media attention and making everyone patch a hole in the operating system. It's forcing people to patch a security problem that they wouldn't have otherwise (because they're ignorant?? Another discussion in itself) but in doing so it's preventing something much more sinister.
It's a little like giving everyone cowpox to prevent something much worse like smallpox.
whether or not this was the intent, it seems to be the result.
Is it possible that the person that wrote MSBlaster did so for the greater good? The MSBlaster virus doesn't seem to do much more beyond making the computers reboot over and over again. It's getting lots and lots of media attention and making everyone patch a hole in the operating system. It's forcing people to patch a security problem that they wouldn't have otherwise (because they're ignorant?? Another discussion in itself) but in doing so it's preventing something much more sinister.
It's a little like giving everyone cowpox to prevent something much worse like smallpox.
whether or not this was the intent, it seems to be the result.
August 12, 2003
Well, it's Tuesday already... I sent out my resume the other day .... I saw a job in the paper that seemed perfect. Tech support for a webhosting company here in Lincoln. 24k a year plus insurance benefits. No mention of a degree requirement, nor minimal experience. (yay). If I get this job it will be my ticket out of here. I've given it some thought. Lets just say I do get that job, I'll cancel my housing contract, get an apt, and say to heck with school for at least a year. I'll live like a poor college student, paying off as much loan as I can (unless I can defer payments) I'm not sure if I'll be happy, but eh.. I'm out of ideas.. I just need a change... I want something else.. to get me through this.. semi-charmed kind of life .. yeah ... anyway.. I feel like getting a job is a good idea somehow. The sad fact is that the only reason I'm going to school is so that I can prove I'm competent enough to get a job.
August 06, 2003
I don't normally post more than once in the same day.. so um go buy lotto tickets or something it may be a sign.
here's an update to the previous post... it's just after 10:30 and it finally works!!! (yay) time to do a happy dance.
I don't understand what the problem was but it has been resolved. The problem, as I mentioned was that I had the domain name pointed at the "Public DNS" not the default one of my registrar. So.. I fixed that and waited for the change to propagate.
Strangely everything works now... but I can't explain why the nameserver change fixed the space issue.. oh well it works.
I feel good ... like a kid that got something really cool.. um hmm I haven't felt like this since I snatched up the domain name.
Last night I explained to Manda why you can't have enough cool domain names. It's like women and shoes. :p
here's an update to the previous post... it's just after 10:30 and it finally works!!! (yay) time to do a happy dance.
I don't understand what the problem was but it has been resolved. The problem, as I mentioned was that I had the domain name pointed at the "Public DNS" not the default one of my registrar. So.. I fixed that and waited for the change to propagate.
Strangely everything works now... but I can't explain why the nameserver change fixed the space issue.. oh well it works.
I feel good ... like a kid that got something really cool.. um hmm I haven't felt like this since I snatched up the domain name.
Last night I explained to Manda why you can't have enough cool domain names. It's like women and shoes. :p
ARG! so frustrated!! I purchased an e-mail account thingy for one of domain names, through the registrar. paid $9.95 for it. and IT'S NOT WORKING!!! It comes with this nifty web interface which is nice, I'm supposed to have two mb of space with it but it says I have zero mb of space. Not only that but the MX records are weird.. ugh! I contacted tech support and they told me that I was hosted with at "3rd party" and I'm thinking "what the heck" that's when I realize that I pointed my domain name to the "public DNS" I've had issues with that as well. ugh. So, I point the domain name back to the default DNS servers (the ones from the registrar) and then I'm able to set up MX records through the registrar's website.. one of the server names tech support gave me is invalid apparently. (sigh) plus that doesn't explain why my mailbox says I have % available space..
So, I've got two different issues. It takes up to 48 hours for DNS changes to propagate throughout the internet. I want to use this e-mail address ASAP!!! I want to put it on my resume. so frustrating..
So, I've got two different issues. It takes up to 48 hours for DNS changes to propagate throughout the internet. I want to use this e-mail address ASAP!!! I want to put it on my resume. so frustrating..
August 05, 2003
And I crawl forward from the deep to blog again...
Today has been an ok day. I guess...
I slept late... and I actually got my resume worked on.. no more of this should-have, could-have stuff for me..... not easy though.... slacking has momentum.. you slack for a long time it takes more energy to start moving again... though acceleration takes energy too... If I need to get up to speed I need to press on. Right now I'm cruising pretty slow .. I could get a ticket for impeding traffic.
Last night a guy I know a friend actually asked a rhetorical question. He asked: "are you independent or are you playing your own games." this is something I'll need to keep asking myself. I'm finally getting his "f@#$ everybody" attitude. I think people trap themselves all too often, myself included. Impending doom scares the crap out of me and I lock myself into a spiral of failure. (sigh) what lies ahead is not fun.. but beats where I've been lately.
Today has been an ok day. I guess...
I slept late... and I actually got my resume worked on.. no more of this should-have, could-have stuff for me..... not easy though.... slacking has momentum.. you slack for a long time it takes more energy to start moving again... though acceleration takes energy too... If I need to get up to speed I need to press on. Right now I'm cruising pretty slow .. I could get a ticket for impeding traffic.
Last night a guy I know a friend actually asked a rhetorical question. He asked: "are you independent or are you playing your own games." this is something I'll need to keep asking myself. I'm finally getting his "f@#$ everybody" attitude. I think people trap themselves all too often, myself included. Impending doom scares the crap out of me and I lock myself into a spiral of failure. (sigh) what lies ahead is not fun.. but beats where I've been lately.
August 01, 2003
yes, it's been a long time
I started typing a post last sunday but lost it half way through and was too frustrated to retype it... so to start out here i'm going to somewhat recreate that post:
I went camping last Sunday. we went here Over all I had a good time. My my two brothers, my mom and I drove to the place friday night and set up the camper. My dad was going to go along but diddn't feel well so he stayed back. After friday night it was just my youngest brother and me. My other brother diddn't spend the night either time and he took my mom back to Beemer saturday morning so that she and my dad could attend a wedding. Friday night was pretty tame. We had everything set up by about 8:00 and there wasn't much else to do. My youngest brother brought some firewood he collected but he didn't realy bring any kindeling. There was some dead grasses and he did have a few small sticks so I started a fire without much trouble. I did actually start the fire with one match. (took about 4 or 5 tries though) I've still got it, but it's been a while. There was a slight breeze that night, and the sky was clear. I taught my brother how to find Polaris and a couple of other things in the night sky. I need to teach him things like knotts and what poison ivy looks like. I guess there's still time for that, he's only 11, but at the rate things are going theres no way I'll teach him all the stuff I think he needs to know. Most of the time he's eager to learn.
On satruday morning My mom got out her portable gas stove thing and we cooked breakfast. My other brother had returned just before dawn to go fishing. He diddn't join us for breakfast but was back around 10:00 to take my mom back to Beemer. My youngest brother woke up around 8:00 and we went fishing. our bait was pretty lousy so it's no surprise we diddn't catch anything and it was starting to get warm. We gave up after only about an hour. We were on our own for most of the day, we played cards and around noon we got ready to go swiming. We walked down to the swiming area and stayed down there for about 2 hours. I diddn't feel like swimming so I just waded in the water about up to my chest. My brother dosn't know how to swim (another thing I realy need to teach him), but it was a good way to cool off. In the water we saw a lot of little fish. My brother spent most of the time trying to catch them. He did actually catch one with his bare hands but it was allready injured and swimming pretty slowly. As I waded deeper into the water I noticed more fish were swimming around me. I was wearing a yellow t-shirt to help prevent sunburn, and the little fish seemed to be atracted to it. I saw dozens of small bluegills all looking at me. Not only were they attracted to my shirt, but they were also attracted to my feet. I have a small, flat mole abbout 6 inches above my heel.. It's about the size of a pencil eraser. I felt many many pecks at that spot. at first I diddn't know what it was. It was strange to feel something bumping into the back of my leg in the exact same spot, over and over again. The fish also seemed to like my toes. I'm glad bluegills don't have teeth. It didn't hurt but it wasn't a "fun" sensation either. I wonder how effective toe shaped lures would be, hmm..
After swimming and hitting the showers we went back to the campsite. It got extremely hot reaching temperatures around 104 F. we were tempted to get in the jeep and drive off, but we stuck it out. Later that evening when it was cooler we cooked some food and got some use out of my brother's mess kit. Late that night a strom rolled in. The wind blew and it rained. I woke up just after sunrise and scratched my plans to get some fishing in. Around 7:00 or 8:00 my brother and I woke up again and the rain stopped. We got our fishing gear and headed out to the pier. Our bait had gone from bad to rotten, so we used artificial lures. (after the sucess my toes had, we were hopefull) we diddn't have any luck but we could see some little fish swiming around. The wind picked up and it was getting cooler so we headed back after only about 45 min. As we were walking back it started to rain, then pour.. we ran, but got wet anyway. About 20 min later the rest of the family pulled up to camp with the pickup and sat in the camper with us. We diddn't have much to do other than sit and wait for the rain to stop. We made some food and my youngest brother and I played cards (again). Once the rain let up we packed up camp and headed home.
Later that afternoon, my dad, my two brothers and my brothers girlfriend and I drove back to the place and did some fishing. The weather was cool and overcast, perfect fishing conditions. We had some fresh bait and we found a nice spot to cast our lines. After about 20 min my dad caught a small bass with an artifical lure. I decided to give that a shot but had no luck, so I went back to traditional worms. my youngest brother found a good spot. He cast his line and in about 20 min he had a fish. Then he cast agian in the same spot and caught another. Later he went back to that spot and caught a 3rd fish, each one a little larger than the last. So my dad caught a bass, my youngest brother caught 3 bluegills, and my other brother caught two fish. I diddn't catch anything.
The summer is almost over... what a waste I made of it. I really can't dwell on my failures but man I messed up again. This summer provided so many oppertunities, but the time whizzed by me while I sit in a non funcitoning state. The biggest challenge in life is to learn from one's mistakes. Not knowing what I'm going to do is scaring the crap out of me right now. I had a buttload of opertunities to do something this summer but they passed me by. I guess I need to work with what I have now... ugh. I'm still not enjoying life. I'm not sure why I have no motivation... I have to nearly force myself to do simple things like laundry or even getting out of my room.
I started typing a post last sunday but lost it half way through and was too frustrated to retype it... so to start out here i'm going to somewhat recreate that post:
I went camping last Sunday. we went here Over all I had a good time. My my two brothers, my mom and I drove to the place friday night and set up the camper. My dad was going to go along but diddn't feel well so he stayed back. After friday night it was just my youngest brother and me. My other brother diddn't spend the night either time and he took my mom back to Beemer saturday morning so that she and my dad could attend a wedding. Friday night was pretty tame. We had everything set up by about 8:00 and there wasn't much else to do. My youngest brother brought some firewood he collected but he didn't realy bring any kindeling. There was some dead grasses and he did have a few small sticks so I started a fire without much trouble. I did actually start the fire with one match. (took about 4 or 5 tries though) I've still got it, but it's been a while. There was a slight breeze that night, and the sky was clear. I taught my brother how to find Polaris and a couple of other things in the night sky. I need to teach him things like knotts and what poison ivy looks like. I guess there's still time for that, he's only 11, but at the rate things are going theres no way I'll teach him all the stuff I think he needs to know. Most of the time he's eager to learn.
On satruday morning My mom got out her portable gas stove thing and we cooked breakfast. My other brother had returned just before dawn to go fishing. He diddn't join us for breakfast but was back around 10:00 to take my mom back to Beemer. My youngest brother woke up around 8:00 and we went fishing. our bait was pretty lousy so it's no surprise we diddn't catch anything and it was starting to get warm. We gave up after only about an hour. We were on our own for most of the day, we played cards and around noon we got ready to go swiming. We walked down to the swiming area and stayed down there for about 2 hours. I diddn't feel like swimming so I just waded in the water about up to my chest. My brother dosn't know how to swim (another thing I realy need to teach him), but it was a good way to cool off. In the water we saw a lot of little fish. My brother spent most of the time trying to catch them. He did actually catch one with his bare hands but it was allready injured and swimming pretty slowly. As I waded deeper into the water I noticed more fish were swimming around me. I was wearing a yellow t-shirt to help prevent sunburn, and the little fish seemed to be atracted to it. I saw dozens of small bluegills all looking at me. Not only were they attracted to my shirt, but they were also attracted to my feet. I have a small, flat mole abbout 6 inches above my heel.. It's about the size of a pencil eraser. I felt many many pecks at that spot. at first I diddn't know what it was. It was strange to feel something bumping into the back of my leg in the exact same spot, over and over again. The fish also seemed to like my toes. I'm glad bluegills don't have teeth. It didn't hurt but it wasn't a "fun" sensation either. I wonder how effective toe shaped lures would be, hmm..
After swimming and hitting the showers we went back to the campsite. It got extremely hot reaching temperatures around 104 F. we were tempted to get in the jeep and drive off, but we stuck it out. Later that evening when it was cooler we cooked some food and got some use out of my brother's mess kit. Late that night a strom rolled in. The wind blew and it rained. I woke up just after sunrise and scratched my plans to get some fishing in. Around 7:00 or 8:00 my brother and I woke up again and the rain stopped. We got our fishing gear and headed out to the pier. Our bait had gone from bad to rotten, so we used artificial lures. (after the sucess my toes had, we were hopefull) we diddn't have any luck but we could see some little fish swiming around. The wind picked up and it was getting cooler so we headed back after only about 45 min. As we were walking back it started to rain, then pour.. we ran, but got wet anyway. About 20 min later the rest of the family pulled up to camp with the pickup and sat in the camper with us. We diddn't have much to do other than sit and wait for the rain to stop. We made some food and my youngest brother and I played cards (again). Once the rain let up we packed up camp and headed home.
Later that afternoon, my dad, my two brothers and my brothers girlfriend and I drove back to the place and did some fishing. The weather was cool and overcast, perfect fishing conditions. We had some fresh bait and we found a nice spot to cast our lines. After about 20 min my dad caught a small bass with an artifical lure. I decided to give that a shot but had no luck, so I went back to traditional worms. my youngest brother found a good spot. He cast his line and in about 20 min he had a fish. Then he cast agian in the same spot and caught another. Later he went back to that spot and caught a 3rd fish, each one a little larger than the last. So my dad caught a bass, my youngest brother caught 3 bluegills, and my other brother caught two fish. I diddn't catch anything.
The summer is almost over... what a waste I made of it. I really can't dwell on my failures but man I messed up again. This summer provided so many oppertunities, but the time whizzed by me while I sit in a non funcitoning state. The biggest challenge in life is to learn from one's mistakes. Not knowing what I'm going to do is scaring the crap out of me right now. I had a buttload of opertunities to do something this summer but they passed me by. I guess I need to work with what I have now... ugh. I'm still not enjoying life. I'm not sure why I have no motivation... I have to nearly force myself to do simple things like laundry or even getting out of my room.
