October 25, 2003
... And this is the way we post to our blog.
Things... happening... all the time.... Today is Saturday. I mowed the lawn today. The weather is getting cooler. Yellow leaves are bombarding the ground. A snapper lawn mower will suck up said leaves quite well. The mower in question has a fuggered up throttle.. it's stuck in the full open (operating) position. There is also no kill switch. To kill the engine one must disconnect the spark plug. Whatever works I guess. Not only that but it's a self-propelled... well it used to be. I don't mind using push mowers, but it sucks to push one that was designed to push itself. Just try it some time.
Today is the second day that I've taken this little square shaped pill. It may or may not be a placebo. I'm currently participating in research of an anti-depressant. Now.. how do I describe this.... I have been hovering some where between where I once was and where I think I should be. According to the interview(s) I am depressed (enough) to participate. So.... day two... I'm not experiencing any symptoms... no dizziness, no digestion issues, and no sexual side effects. Just trust me on that one. Yesterday I felt that my sense of smell was heightened, and right now I have a headache. I have some pressure behind my ear drum.. my good ear.. not good.. I don't seem to have a cold though. I'm doubtful if any of these are a result of the medication. As far as the key "symptom" ... also inconclusive.. though I've heard it takes a few weeks. I'll just keep popping these pills once a day, Drive to Omaha once a week, and for my efforts I shall receive $35 each week for up to 10 maximum weeks that I participate in this program. I will thoroughly enjoy receiving a $350 check.
On Monday, I go back to the optromatist. My contact lenses are ready to be replaced, and I have been getting some irritation. Apparently my eyes aren't getting enough oxygen. I will be switching to a more expensive contact lens. Thus I need to return Monday to be fitted for these lenses. I've been wearing my glasses all week .. I hate them.
About a week ago I felt like God said to me " I've given you things you've always wanted.. you're still missing something aren't you." I'm looking, wandering, exploring, waiting, searching... answers.. questions.. more questions... I feel that I'm leading up to something big... God has a very significant lesson for me to learn... I'm not entirely sure what it is.... Prayer, reflection, and discussion have been my tools. Clearly God is the "something missing" ... though not entirely gone I must admit I've been telling God to take the back seat lately. This isn't the way to live my life. I continue to try to figure out life. God willing I'll find the answers I seek.
And this has been another FJ update.. Mind .. Body.. Soul.
Things... happening... all the time.... Today is Saturday. I mowed the lawn today. The weather is getting cooler. Yellow leaves are bombarding the ground. A snapper lawn mower will suck up said leaves quite well. The mower in question has a fuggered up throttle.. it's stuck in the full open (operating) position. There is also no kill switch. To kill the engine one must disconnect the spark plug. Whatever works I guess. Not only that but it's a self-propelled... well it used to be. I don't mind using push mowers, but it sucks to push one that was designed to push itself. Just try it some time.
Today is the second day that I've taken this little square shaped pill. It may or may not be a placebo. I'm currently participating in research of an anti-depressant. Now.. how do I describe this.... I have been hovering some where between where I once was and where I think I should be. According to the interview(s) I am depressed (enough) to participate. So.... day two... I'm not experiencing any symptoms... no dizziness, no digestion issues, and no sexual side effects. Just trust me on that one. Yesterday I felt that my sense of smell was heightened, and right now I have a headache. I have some pressure behind my ear drum.. my good ear.. not good.. I don't seem to have a cold though. I'm doubtful if any of these are a result of the medication. As far as the key "symptom" ... also inconclusive.. though I've heard it takes a few weeks. I'll just keep popping these pills once a day, Drive to Omaha once a week, and for my efforts I shall receive $35 each week for up to 10 maximum weeks that I participate in this program. I will thoroughly enjoy receiving a $350 check.
On Monday, I go back to the optromatist. My contact lenses are ready to be replaced, and I have been getting some irritation. Apparently my eyes aren't getting enough oxygen. I will be switching to a more expensive contact lens. Thus I need to return Monday to be fitted for these lenses. I've been wearing my glasses all week .. I hate them.
About a week ago I felt like God said to me " I've given you things you've always wanted.. you're still missing something aren't you." I'm looking, wandering, exploring, waiting, searching... answers.. questions.. more questions... I feel that I'm leading up to something big... God has a very significant lesson for me to learn... I'm not entirely sure what it is.... Prayer, reflection, and discussion have been my tools. Clearly God is the "something missing" ... though not entirely gone I must admit I've been telling God to take the back seat lately. This isn't the way to live my life. I continue to try to figure out life. God willing I'll find the answers I seek.
And this has been another FJ update.. Mind .. Body.. Soul.
October 15, 2003
Well it's been 10 whole days, I think my blog needs to be updated.
Last weekend I took my youngest brother camping. He didn't have School Friday so we took a trip out to Dead Timber that afternoon. We left around 2:00 or so. It was cloudy when we left, it looked like rain. When we got there the sun came out and it was nice. We picked a place to camp and got some of our stuff out of the jeep. My brother started fishing right away and I tried to take a nap in my comfy collapsible chair. A short while later we went hiking. When we got back from that we set up the tent and started a fire. We cooked our dinner and then did some more fishing. Around this time I decided that I really didn't want to spend the night in that tiny "two-man" dome tent. I convinced my brother we could just go home and sleep there. So we took down the tent and put out what was left of the campfire and came home. It was dark by the time we were heading out. (around 8:00) We basically did everything we'd do in an overnight trip except actually sleep in that little tent. I'm glad that we decided to just come home because that night we got over an inch of rain.
I'm still working on that database project. For the longest time I wasn't getting anything done with it.. well since yesterday it's been full speed ahead. I'm pleased with myself that I can actually do stuff with it... I don't know why, but some times I get into this weird mood where I don't enjoy things that I usually enjoy. well ... I am looking for answers and working on improving myself.. this Friday I'm going with my old high school buddy (the one mentioned many times before) to Omaha. We're going to see if we can participate in a research study for depression treatment. Even if I'm not chosen, or even if I get the placebo, I hope to maybe find some answers and find out what I can do. Happiness is mysterious to me. These past weeks I've pondered happiness a great deal. I also realized for the first time that some things wont make me happy even though I think they will. For example, I have though that if I had a girlfriend or something I'd be happy yet I told myself that's not the case.. I'm always telling myself something like that "if I take some time off from school, if I had money if I moved out of the dorm, if I moved out of my parents house, etc etc," none of these things will guarantee happiness. At least not on the long term. I've told myself this before, but I haven't believed it until recently. This is an important realization. Now I can perhaps resolve whatever is going on with me and then when I do get a job/money/my own place/girlfriend/whatever I won't expect it to make me happy. I'll be content with life anyway.
Last weekend I took my youngest brother camping. He didn't have School Friday so we took a trip out to Dead Timber that afternoon. We left around 2:00 or so. It was cloudy when we left, it looked like rain. When we got there the sun came out and it was nice. We picked a place to camp and got some of our stuff out of the jeep. My brother started fishing right away and I tried to take a nap in my comfy collapsible chair. A short while later we went hiking. When we got back from that we set up the tent and started a fire. We cooked our dinner and then did some more fishing. Around this time I decided that I really didn't want to spend the night in that tiny "two-man" dome tent. I convinced my brother we could just go home and sleep there. So we took down the tent and put out what was left of the campfire and came home. It was dark by the time we were heading out. (around 8:00) We basically did everything we'd do in an overnight trip except actually sleep in that little tent. I'm glad that we decided to just come home because that night we got over an inch of rain.
I'm still working on that database project. For the longest time I wasn't getting anything done with it.. well since yesterday it's been full speed ahead. I'm pleased with myself that I can actually do stuff with it... I don't know why, but some times I get into this weird mood where I don't enjoy things that I usually enjoy. well ... I am looking for answers and working on improving myself.. this Friday I'm going with my old high school buddy (the one mentioned many times before) to Omaha. We're going to see if we can participate in a research study for depression treatment. Even if I'm not chosen, or even if I get the placebo, I hope to maybe find some answers and find out what I can do. Happiness is mysterious to me. These past weeks I've pondered happiness a great deal. I also realized for the first time that some things wont make me happy even though I think they will. For example, I have though that if I had a girlfriend or something I'd be happy yet I told myself that's not the case.. I'm always telling myself something like that "if I take some time off from school, if I had money if I moved out of the dorm, if I moved out of my parents house, etc etc," none of these things will guarantee happiness. At least not on the long term. I've told myself this before, but I haven't believed it until recently. This is an important realization. Now I can perhaps resolve whatever is going on with me and then when I do get a job/money/my own place/girlfriend/whatever I won't expect it to make me happy. I'll be content with life anyway.
October 05, 2003
I upgraded my computer today .. It feels good... Good old Wreck had a heart transplant. I took out his origonal Slot1 Pentium II (350Mhz) and put in it's place the rare and exotic 933Mhz Slot1 PIII. I can realy notice the difference in the way some things load. I was kinda surprised that my motherboard would take this processor. It's an IWILL VD133. Via makes the chipset and I don't know the name of it off hand. But this kick ass mobo will support a 133 FSB and the multiplier goes up to 8. I could overclock this PIII if I really wanted to... I had my RAM overclocked for a while and decided not to leave it that way. Im using PC100 SDRAM and I'm running it at that speed now. I diddn't notice any stability problems running it at 133, but I don't want to risk it. I diddn't do any kind of benchmarks, and I'm doubtfull of a significant difference in performance
I also aquired a 20GB hard drive. I'd like to put it into the same system but with 2 CD drives, and a zip drive I don't have any more IDE ports. In the future, I will probably remove the CD drives and replace them with a single CDRW drive. (one drive is a 4x2x8 drive and I've been thinking of upgrading anyway)
I went to Lincoln Friday afternoon to pick up a computer for my aunt's guy friend, and while I was there I got some RAM and another 350PII and a dual Slot1 mobo. It's an old Dell server board. Uses an ATX power connector but it's not an ATX size board. (wont fit in a normal case) The biggest problem is that the front panel connectors aren't labeled and I have no idea which pins are for what... It seems that the board is for a Dell "PowerEdge 1300" or something very very similar. The documentation for the 1300 dosn't exactly match but it's the clocest I've found. If any one reading this knows which wire for the front panel goes to which pin, please please please e-mail me.
more stuff happened thisweekend but overall it all went by too quickly
I also aquired a 20GB hard drive. I'd like to put it into the same system but with 2 CD drives, and a zip drive I don't have any more IDE ports. In the future, I will probably remove the CD drives and replace them with a single CDRW drive. (one drive is a 4x2x8 drive and I've been thinking of upgrading anyway)
I went to Lincoln Friday afternoon to pick up a computer for my aunt's guy friend, and while I was there I got some RAM and another 350PII and a dual Slot1 mobo. It's an old Dell server board. Uses an ATX power connector but it's not an ATX size board. (wont fit in a normal case) The biggest problem is that the front panel connectors aren't labeled and I have no idea which pins are for what... It seems that the board is for a Dell "PowerEdge 1300" or something very very similar. The documentation for the 1300 dosn't exactly match but it's the clocest I've found. If any one reading this knows which wire for the front panel goes to which pin, please please please e-mail me.
more stuff happened thisweekend but overall it all went by too quickly
