June 21, 2004
"Good-byes" suck
Sadly my grandmother passed away this morning. I was already at work by the time we got the news. I worked the rest of the day. While at work this song was playing in my head. Given the thoughts I've been mulling over lately and the recent passing of my grandma, it seems quite appropriate.
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
--
it's funny how things seem to evolve and you learn something new. I guess that's called "growth" I'll be sure to elaborate in a future post.
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
--
it's funny how things seem to evolve and you learn something new. I guess that's called "growth" I'll be sure to elaborate in a future post.
June 20, 2004
There is no bus.
Go read Merc's blog right now... go on I'll wait. Some times two different people will come up with similar ideas/thoughts/concepts even though they are under different circumstances. Different paths, different stages in our lives different environments, yada yada yada. Neither of us is content. When I noticed that he was feeling similarly to the way I have lately I got a bit nervous. He has a many things I do not. He has a place of his own, a career, he's married to a wonderfully woman (she's attractive and it's insane how compatible they seem.. if only every one were so lucky to find such an ideal match). Anyway, we both seem to be questioning our purpose in life. My somewhat short term goal is to get myself into a stage of life much like his. (get out of the parent's house, career, relationship(s) - not necessarily long-term/romantic) What if I get all that and I'm still not content? That makes me nervous.
I like the analogy he made of the shore. I told him that on many levels I'm in Nebraska. If I sit back and look I can see all stages in front of me. There is beginning, ending and everything in between. My brother will start he 7th grade at the end of the summer. This point in life is still worry free for the most part. He's not concerned with the perplexing issues I'm wrestling with right now. I would say he's lucky, but he will one day meet a similar challenge, it's only a matter of time. At the other end, I have grandparents who are dieing. My grandmother is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease. She doesn't look like herself at this point. Sadly her time is quite short. I'm some where in between... Luckily I think I see the value of time but I'm at a loss of how to make the most of it.
I'm still working at Wimmer's I'd be "rolled over" from the staffing agency soon, but they put me on "probation" for 30 days... what that means is that they are deferring the decision to take me on as a full time employee. ugh! I guess it gives me more time to find something else. I need to change my attitude I guess, but this doesn't help. I don't know why it's so hard for me to make the time to find something else. The thing is that I want to find something I'll actually enjoy or find somehow rewarding. blah I can't stop hating my life.
I have realized that I want to get away.. to go .. but sitting here isn't going to get me there.. there is no bus route to where I want to go.. I must walk there myself. baby steps for now I suppose..
I like the analogy he made of the shore. I told him that on many levels I'm in Nebraska. If I sit back and look I can see all stages in front of me. There is beginning, ending and everything in between. My brother will start he 7th grade at the end of the summer. This point in life is still worry free for the most part. He's not concerned with the perplexing issues I'm wrestling with right now. I would say he's lucky, but he will one day meet a similar challenge, it's only a matter of time. At the other end, I have grandparents who are dieing. My grandmother is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease. She doesn't look like herself at this point. Sadly her time is quite short. I'm some where in between... Luckily I think I see the value of time but I'm at a loss of how to make the most of it.
I'm still working at Wimmer's I'd be "rolled over" from the staffing agency soon, but they put me on "probation" for 30 days... what that means is that they are deferring the decision to take me on as a full time employee. ugh! I guess it gives me more time to find something else. I need to change my attitude I guess, but this doesn't help. I don't know why it's so hard for me to make the time to find something else. The thing is that I want to find something I'll actually enjoy or find somehow rewarding. blah I can't stop hating my life.
I have realized that I want to get away.. to go .. but sitting here isn't going to get me there.. there is no bus route to where I want to go.. I must walk there myself. baby steps for now I suppose..
